So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
