Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
