Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
