Can i not drive my cunt home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
