HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
