I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
