I looked at my own cervix.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
