Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
