I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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