You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
