I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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