? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
