This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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