last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
