I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
