does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
