where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
