home. puking in laundry basket.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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