He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
