Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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