Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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