he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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