Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
