Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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