If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
