Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dignity is for republicans.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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