Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
