I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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