Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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