i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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