I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
