I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
