Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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