12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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