If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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