Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
