I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
