I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
