Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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