mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
