I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
