Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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