too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
