Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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