WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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