Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
