Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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