Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
