this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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