How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
