All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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