dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
