i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
